Okay, the other night, I saw a couple movies - one bad, the other; totally awesome. Four dollar movie night at Franklin Mills AMC has paid off in a way.
Dark Water (PG-13) : From the author that wrote The Ring (nominated by me to be the most not-scary movie of 2003), comes another borefest that has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Sweet Jennifer Connelly has a problem. Her ex-husband is being a bitch about custody of their daughter, Ceci. So for some reason they move to this shitty haunted apartment building. Of course, it's haunted by the ghost of this dead girl, and she keeps attacking.
The formula of this movie? Take Hide And Seek, make Robert DeNiro a woman, and make Charlie a ghost. The movie is just that simple. But unlike H&S, absolutely nothing scary happens until the last five minutes. Even then, it's nowhere near enough. Ending is disappointing, and certain plot points are never quite explained or resolved (i.e. Jennifer Connelly has migranes. You'd think that would have something to do with the end, but it doesn't).
1 out of 5 overhyped films.
Land of the Dead (R) - Oh my god. Zombies have overtaken most of the world, and namely, the unknown town this movie takes place in. Dennis Hopper pays John Leguizamo to bring supplies in from the ruined town to Hopper's high class suites. The lower and middle class people are in the contained city, practically dying. This other guy, Reilly, is done with supplies, and is ready to go to Canada (which is mysteriously abandoned). John Leguizamo is pissed because he's been killing people that Hopper doesn't like, and not getting paid for it.
Meanwhile, the zombies' minds are evolving. They are beginning to learn again, how to use weapons, how to trap people. They're an unstoppable army. Luigi- I mean Leguizamo, highjacks Koopa- I mean Hopper's, specialized zombie assault tank. It's up to Reilly to stop the zombie army and Luigi from destroying everyone.
Not only does this film have so much ridiculous gore, it also includes a cameo from Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright, the star and director of Shaun of the Dead. Based on that alone, this film is Oscar-worthy. But it's just fun.
5 out of 5 severed heads.
"Look over there! *BANG*"
Dark Water (PG-13) : From the author that wrote The Ring (nominated by me to be the most not-scary movie of 2003), comes another borefest that has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Sweet Jennifer Connelly has a problem. Her ex-husband is being a bitch about custody of their daughter, Ceci. So for some reason they move to this shitty haunted apartment building. Of course, it's haunted by the ghost of this dead girl, and she keeps attacking.
The formula of this movie? Take Hide And Seek, make Robert DeNiro a woman, and make Charlie a ghost. The movie is just that simple. But unlike H&S, absolutely nothing scary happens until the last five minutes. Even then, it's nowhere near enough. Ending is disappointing, and certain plot points are never quite explained or resolved (i.e. Jennifer Connelly has migranes. You'd think that would have something to do with the end, but it doesn't).
1 out of 5 overhyped films.
Land of the Dead (R) - Oh my god. Zombies have overtaken most of the world, and namely, the unknown town this movie takes place in. Dennis Hopper pays John Leguizamo to bring supplies in from the ruined town to Hopper's high class suites. The lower and middle class people are in the contained city, practically dying. This other guy, Reilly, is done with supplies, and is ready to go to Canada (which is mysteriously abandoned). John Leguizamo is pissed because he's been killing people that Hopper doesn't like, and not getting paid for it.
Meanwhile, the zombies' minds are evolving. They are beginning to learn again, how to use weapons, how to trap people. They're an unstoppable army. Luigi- I mean Leguizamo, highjacks Koopa- I mean Hopper's, specialized zombie assault tank. It's up to Reilly to stop the zombie army and Luigi from destroying everyone.
Not only does this film have so much ridiculous gore, it also includes a cameo from Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright, the star and director of Shaun of the Dead. Based on that alone, this film is Oscar-worthy. But it's just fun.
5 out of 5 severed heads.
"Look over there! *BANG*"
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