Tattoos Are Dumb: Five Reasons Why

Call me a traitor to my generation (Y), but there is only one word that describes today's youth: and you can find it on any milk carton:

HOMOGENIZED.

Allow me to elaborate. Remember when it was really cool to have a MySpace? No? That's right, it was never cool. AOL called, they want their profiles back. No one cares which OC character you're most like, or that "im a big fan of bookz lyk da DaVinci Code". Especially considering that was probably the last book you read since Dr. Seuss's "ABC's" (which fucking owns, by the way).
Tattooing is an ancient practice, many cultures see it as a rite of passage, others believe that women are not right for marriage UNLESS they're tattooed. Unfortunately, our culture doesn't reserve this old practice for moments such as those mentioned. These cultures luckily do a mark of a tribe, or a significant pattern.

Imagine such a tribe covered in Celtic crosses and had barbwire half-sleeves. Now, imagine even further, these people WILLINGLY CHOSE THESE DESIGNS EVEN THOUGH A BILLION OTHER PEOPLE HAD IT.
Our youth's attitude toward tattooing is very similar to their buying habits at Hot Topic: pay a lot of money for something, and everyone else has something very similar. How far has a culture gone when one can walk into a shop, pay 100 bucks, CHOOSE A PATTERN FROM A WALL, and elect to have this pattern scarred into their skin permanently. Tattoos are supposed to be the proud marks of warriors, or signs of purity. In America, it means you like the Muppets WAYY too much.

It's pissing me off lately, with each 18th birthday I hear about, someone goes out and gets a tattoo. There are less permanent ways to celebrate your birthday. You can buy cigarettes, lottery tickets, get arrested for illegal drinking, even..

And now, five reasons why tattooing is stupid. (If you're still considering one after reading, I cannot help you anymore.)

5. Which celebrities have tattoos? Oh, right, only the cool ones. Kevin Federline, Tommy Lee jump INSTANTLY to mind. The two most notable for their wives and their failures in the music industry. They are both notably scumbags (hepatitis and K-Fed hasn't washed since 1999). What's worse than this? People who emulate celebrities and tattoo themselves either in their honor or have their tattoo. Got a heartogram tattoo? Cool, but you're NOT either of the Margeras.

4. Nobody cares if you're Irish or Italian or Polish. Nobody cares about your nationality, unless they're out to KILL YOU. So don't put the Irish flag on your body. This is America; nobody cares about you, or anything you write on yourself. They only know that you look like a douche with that Thundercats logo on your calf.

3. Are you really gonna trust that fat guy with "Demark Foooorever" tattooed on his hand to apply a surgical-grade needle to your flesh? Apparently so; if you're reading this from the chair while having some shit poem you made up written into your arm. Paper's easier to use for poetry. Also, it's easier to make a card in memory of your deceased family members. I'm sure your mother wouldn't really want you to scar your flesh in her memory, especially if it's near your ass.

Hey, here's a list of infections you can get from a tattoo needle: - AIDS
- Hepatitis
-Staph infections
-cardiological damaging infections

Sure, it's rare, but no one wants AIDS, right?

2. There's a reason you're not the one drawing Kermit the frog onto your wrist. Because you are NOT an artist. My friend tattoos HIMSELF, but at least his work is original. I don't care if your drawing won a contest, it won't translate correctly onto your skin. I don't care if your kid's name is in Old English script.
(Tangent: The three worst names for boys:
3. Aiden
2. Lance
1. Sebastian)

1. You don't stay young for long. Remember those MAD Magazine fold-ins? IF you age just the right way, your tattoo will become one! That Batman logo could become a vagina with two flaps of your back!

To sum up, yes, America is in an economic struggle, but don't waste our cash on tattoos. Try doing something useful, like cryogenic research, or rent a Steven Seagal DVD.. and use it as a coaster, of course.





END!